Insight With Purpose
What if the clarity you're searching for is already inside you?
Insight With Purpose is where Hemali and Sheila sit down for real conversations about inner truth, sovereignty, remembrance, and the quiet knowing that lives beneath the noise. No scripts. Just two friends across continents who got tired of performing and decided to show up authentically instead.
We explore clarity, discernment, and the power of your own inner wisdom. Whether we're talking about prayer, identity, energy, transitions, inherited beliefs, or the messy beauty of actually living a spiritual life while fully embracing your human — every conversation returns to the same place: you already have what you're looking for.
We talk about real life, real questions, real experiences. Wherever you are on your journey, there's a seat here for you.
New episodes every other Tuesday. Pull up a seat.
Insight With Purpose
Ep 10 | Surrender: When you stop fighting and start allowing.
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
What happens when God has been asking you to do one thing for six months and you refuse?
In this episode, Sheila and Hemali go deeper into surrender than they’ve ever gone.
Sheila shares six months of her practice going completely silent after her most successful year ever, no clients, no bookings, an empty fridge, and the guidance she’d been ignoring since December. Then the moment she finally listened, and the prayer that was answered four days later to the exact amount.
Hemali shares a back injury that put her on the floor and a voice that asked “are you done yet?” — followed by a pain scale that went from 10 to 2 through nothing but breath and Reiki.
They talk about quitting a doctorate two classes before finishing, the avocado tree that sustained a family for two months, and the difference between the ego leading and the soul following.
Don’t take shape. Allow yourself to still be molded.
New episodes every other Tuesday. Pull up a seat.
Today we're talking about the thing the spiritual journey asks of you that nothing in this world prepares you for. Surrender. Not the poster version, the real one. The one where your fridge is empty, your practice has gone silent for six months. God has been asking you to do one thing since December, and you've been refusing. And then you finally listen, and four days later a prayer is answered. The one where your back goes out and a voice says, Are you done yet? The one where you quit your doctorate two classes before finishing because your soul said, Stop. If you're white knuckling your life right now and something keeps whispering, let go, stay with us. By the end, you might realize that surrendering is just another part of the journey. The part that asks that you learn to let go.
SPEAKER_01I think this is the first time.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We've struggled so deeply to actually go into an episode recording.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What is this?
SPEAKER_02It's a big topic, right? It's I mean, we took three weeks off. Yeah. For each one of us, Satan started with me and then you. And then it's like, it's been, it's been, we're we're learning, or we are in the teachings of surrender, in the process of surrender, surrender to what is, and just trusting and having faith that everything that needed to be happened. It's you know, we're we're moving along with the divine plan, divine timing, and uh divine time, I guess we I said time, divine timeline, it's time, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a big topic, and it's one of those topics that begs you to be within it, you know? Yeah, and if one thing we should say, or why not say this? But every thing we've talked about, we've lived through.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01In the week or or the weeks following the recording of the episode, we've experienced the episodes, right? Yeah, so it's it's not coincidental that here we are in the surrendering episode, and it's like, is this going to happen? Yeah. We we just have to surrender, right? Yeah. To to what should be. But it is one asks you to consider so many things, right? Yeah, what what is surrender? What does it mean? What does it feel like? Why do we want to talk about it? How does it land in the process of my spiritual awakening and and the spiritual journey? The human life is peppered with this moment of surrender, but what is it really? And how do we bring a little bit of navigational tools around these periods, right?
SPEAKER_02And this is how we're starting today, right? That's right, Molly. Yeah, hi Sheila. How are you?
SPEAKER_01Hi, Himali. I am here, right? That wasn't a given a couple of weeks ago, so I'm here and I'm grateful for that.
SPEAKER_02Yes, me too. This topic of surrender, we have been. I personally took me a long time. I sat with this word surrender. What does it mean to me? How does it look like to me? For some reason, and I don't know why, I still can't figure out. Why did I feel or I felt that I never completely surrender, or I am not able to surrender? And I think looking back at it, I feel like that letting go. I know it's very hard for many of us to let go of things. Either you may feel you're quitting on something, quitting a situation, quitting a relationship, you know, giving up. Does it look like giving up? What does surrender really mean? And I really struggled with this topic. How about you, Pila?
SPEAKER_01I think the hallmark of surrender is struggle, right? Especially when you're in that what does it mean phase? And how do you learn that letting go doesn't equal giving up, right? And we're often taught to follow through in everything that we start from children, where all the time, but you have to get good grades, but you have to be the good student, or but you have to graduate, but you have to choose a college and a career path. So the expectations are always there through parents, culture, society in general, right? And we often equate surrender and letting go with we have failed. And until I learned the difference, it was a very tough path to walk, you know. I think for me, this big thing felt initially like the tower card on tarot. I hated getting those. I was like, oh, not another moment where I am called to like observe and watch everything fall apart because it's supposed to be for my highest and best good. I'm tired of those, you know. I always looked for some sort of normalcy. I grew up without my mom next to me. My dad remarried, creating an extended, sort of a salad family. And when I got a little bit older and eventually married and had children, I always seek to have the other side of that. I wanted to have the marriage that lasted forever, the kids that grew up in the same household, you know, and for many reasons the universe, God, creator, that wasn't the case, right? So I was called to, that was the first thing I was called to fully surrender to. I didn't know how to do that. I was kicking and screaming through the process of that relationship ending, of having to move, of having to be the sole provider for my children, of the what are people going to say stories. I didn't feel whole. And this was prior to my awakening. But this is how I felt surrender then. I felt a failure. I felt like now people can point at me and say, Well, look, she wanted this or she did this wrong or she should have done that, you know? It felt like it marked me, like a scarlet letter on me. And the letting go of the dreams of the picket fence and growing old with that person that you married, and all of those things, having the kids be in a household that was united, all of that falling away stripped me down to my core, to my nothing. I my identity became muddled up in the whole thing, you know. It was not a pretty process. The first time I came across this big, this needs to be cleared out of your life in order for your next chapter to begin. It wasn't pretty and it didn't feel pretty. And and it was it was really a crumbling of of the entire idea I had in my head and what now was not going to happen. It was it was as if the universe was like, yeah, no, psh, and broke everything through, and like this is not gonna happen for you, figure it the fuck out, right? Yeah, and it felt awful in my body. I I I was getting sick a lot. I experienced it as my immune system collapsing constantly over and over and over again. And not many people think of these moments, think back after an awakening. Wait, when was the last time I was confronted with this? What is that surrender? What was my first interaction with this concept, and how did I walk through it? Right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Um, just listening to you about surrender. I mean, there are so many, you surrender even as a child, so many things. You know, you're learning, but you have to surrender to understanding of, for example, for myself, my experience, and that I was very sick at one of the grades I was in. And in India, like if you even get lower grade or fail in one subject, you have to repeat the whole grade. So in fifth grade, I was very, very sick, and so I don't remember what I didn't do well in, and so I had to repeat the grade, but that's surrender. Now I have to go into, and if you're in a school, it's like a it's something where the teachers move around, the kids are in the same class, and sometimes it's just one classroom per grade, and so everybody knows everyone, and so now you remain in the same classroom, but the kids from the grades below come into that class, and so and all your friends are in the higher grade, and so surrendering into that, I don't even remember how did I pick myself up and go that first week to the classroom? What did I feel? I don't remember how did I behave? What was you know? I so I don't remember any of it, but I I am sure that I had to surrender to that. Surrender to moving to US. I did not want to. I was 18, but because my whole family was moving and my parents were not gonna leave me behind because I was 18. Because I didn't have, you know, I I guess after a certain age, you it would be hard for me to come over. I we came on a green car, but to get here with a family. My dad and mom are like, we're not leaving you alone. And I had family who would take who would have taken me in, but uh just moving here. It's like there's so many moments in life that I had to surrender, but never thought about it as surrender, yeah, yeah, yeah. And these things are just coming up as we are talking, but the struggle I've had considering this topic in terms of surrendering to the habits and patterns that I've developed you know over the years, they may not be good, right? It can sabotage yourself and the relationships around you, and so recognizing those things and changing and shifting if you want change in your life, if you don't want those things to keep reoccurring in your life, and as simple as where we were talking about electronics around me always breaking down, and I didn't understand, and this is going on for a long time, and my brother would always complain like these things last for a long time. Why do they always fall apart or break down? What are you doing? And you know, my cell phone constantly I have a year-old phone, and yet it keeps breaking down. Um, I have to buy a new one, or it shuts down on its own, so it has energy of its own. My electricity, like the plugs, like my fireplace, it never works. And we get it fixed, it turns off again. So it's like every year, every few months, we have to ask someone to come and help us fix all these things to surrendering. Sometimes you just have to surrender to these things and know that you know, okay, this is another day and this is what's happening. Everybody around me is kind of used to it, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. All those small little I've come to associate surrender with little deaths because I'm never the same after the experience of surrendering to whatever it is, right? It's like, okay, that is gone, and then I am born again, right? Let's let's try again. You don't really think of these things, you know, as you go on in your everyday life. But I want to get back a little bit to that experience of in the body because I think it's important to recognize when you surrender, or when you need to, or when you're being made to surrender, yeah, right? Because they feel very differently. One feels like a rug is swept from under your feet, and you just fall and tumble and hit yourself, and you're bruised and bleeding, and you don't know where your head is at, where your feet have landed, you know? And the other is more like, well, what can I do now? It's this feeling of all right, everything has shifted. I'm still trying to hold it together. Why? What is that impulse to control the outcome of the things? And this is where things usually end up in that pulling out of the rug by the universe, like you didn't listen to me. So let's not go very far down the line, but yeah, two, three weeks ago, I don't know, time is like obsolete. We've been living this episode. I my back went out. We're supposed to record. I text Tamali, yo, this is not happening, you know. We're gonna have to wait because I can't sit, you know, I'm not feeling well. And you would think I would just lay low. Every day I attempted to sit at the desk and work on something, and it continued to get worse. And I think because I pushed myself, it continued to get worse. And I should have listened to my body, you know, all these years. We're talking about six years of daily communication with my guides, with watching the science, with putting things into practice, with guiding people through their own processes, and yet my body's saying, you need to sit down, and I can't listen because I don't want to use this as an excuse. I thrive in and when the universe has stepped in, because this is not the first time, and completely had me laid out. I always try to push myself a little bit and say, no, let me see how far I can push this. All to say is a very different feeling than when I understand. Okay, I am being shown that I need to let go because of X, Y, and Z. And I don't even listen sometimes to those either. I'm stubborn. Just as I'm curious, I'm stubborn. I I like keeping tabs on what I'm doing. I like to have a deadline and meet my deadlines. I like to have things organized a specific way. And when that doesn't happen, it creates internal chaos. And this is a lesson. I am continuously learning to observe the signs so I don't end up with the rug pulled out of my feet and completely laid out in bed. It is a continuous thing, and it shifts and changes depending on the lesson. And some are easier than others. Like I have a hard time pinpointing when I need to stop. I can spend 12 hours working and be like, okay, what's next? You know? And when I do that for a week, a week and a half, two weeks in a row, it's taxing. But I I go into this flow of existence where I don't notice it until I'm laid out. And my guides have been telling me, you need to find space to rest. I put it on my calendar because they were so insistent. You need to find place to rest in your week. And still I pushed. And what did they do? Okay, little girl, you're not gonna listen. You have to rest now. You cannot sit, you cannot stand, you cannot lay for more than 20 minutes at a time. It becomes an internal war. And there are people who don't struggle as much with this. You would think I would listen more frequently, but when it comes to deadlines and having things to do and complete, that becomes my drive. And it completely bypasses any rational or spiritual mindset that I may have, you know. And there's a part of me that really loves that chaotic, I have to do this by tomorrow thing, you know. So my guides tend to take me out for a few. And this is what happened very recently. This is why we're recording when we're recording, or one of the reasons why. But you always think it's going to feel like a big tower moment, and and and like you're gonna lose your job or your relationship's gonna fall apart. But sometimes it's as simple as your back went out, you have a cold for the longest time, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, that reminds me of one of the back pains I've had, and that was my first time that I experienced that severe back pain. I could not move, could not turn in the bed. I think it was I woke up that way. And of course, my first thing, I can't take pain. So I'm like yelling and screaming, and I am, and you know, my husband's like, take the pain meds, and you know, I d I don't take pain meds. Maybe I would do homeopathic, you know. Um, but I was like, no, I'm gonna write this through, but yet I'm screaming and yelling. I literally can't move. All of a sudden, it's like this click is like, are you done yet? A voice I hear. And I was like, what do you mean? You know, and of course, this is an internal conversation. No, I'm not done yet, you know. And are you done yet? I said, Okay, fine, I'm done. And the reminder was like, start sending energy to your back, take a deep breath, pause, pause, right? Stay still and just pause and breathe. And even, you know, some pain, like you breathe deep and it still catches. So even if shallow breath, it's okay. Just take a moment to focus on the breathing part. And I tell you, maybe I was there for half an hour, hour. I just did Reiki on myself, I did the healing. Of course, I'm laying, I can't put my hand on my back, but just concentrating on that area and the emotional aspect of it, right? Working through that. No kidding, that pain went down to six out of ten, which means I was able to get up, get out of bed, start moving. And anytime I would get upset, whoop, my back would catch again. And like, okay, okay, I'm breathing. Anytime I felt like you were saying, right? I'm gonna do a little bit that day. I was gonna work on my business, I was gonna do this, I was gonna, I had everything laid out and planned. It's like, no, you're not doing any of that. Not only that, I decided to go to walk in the woods. So my husband and I walked in the woods slowly, and that pain went down to three out of ten. Then the message was to go sit in the tub. So I had magnesium, you know, the Epsom salt and lavender scent. So I was sitting in the bathtub for a while. That pain went down to two. So that whole day was gone in taking care of myself, just being with myself. And that wasn't the day to start working on my business. You know, that was the message. But sometimes it's like you run after things you want to do, you have plans. And I've learned since 2015 that you can make as many plans as you want to, you know, and they sit there and laugh at you, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead, plan, plan for five years, plan for 10. What you're gonna do 10 years down the road, you know, just plan all that, map out your life to like maybe 20 years down the road. And it's like, but we'll see what happens next moment, right? You just never know. And I've learned that. So I've been there with that pain and how it feels. And just like you, I sat in my sister's, and I was like telling her my sister drives Tesla. I sat in the back, and I was telling you, my tailbone was hurting so badly. I don't know what happened. I could not move, I couldn't get out of the car, couldn't get in. This is last week, and for two days, and then it was gone. And I went, I had an expo, so I had a booth giving, but while I'm giving Reiki, I'm totally fine. I can move around, no pain. So yeah, it works wonders.
SPEAKER_01If you listen, it works one. Yeah, I I hear you. I I wish I didn't struggle so much with listening when I've set a date for something. Because other than that, I I I think I find myself most of the times being a good listener of spirit, right? Because I've learned. to I after that divorce from from my first husband I I had to let go not only of the dream but the the material aspects you know the the home the everything everything you collect in a marriage that you find that you have like an attachment to and this is what the thing is is the attachment to either the material thing or the outcome of something is what causes the turmoil you know if you did do not attach a specific outcome to things or a specific sentimental value to things you don't care you're just like okay take it you know so you're a lot more willing to just let go of whatever it is right but for me that's when like things started to in the material world shift into learning to give things up and this wouldn't come around in the same way in my life until after 2020 and my awakening that was a whole other crumbling of life as I knew it not only was my I I didn't have a job that I had had for 14 years that I had grown to where I wanted to be earning what I thought I should be earning wicked hard hours but still I felt successful I felt here I am this many years after that divorce thriving being able to provide for my kids and then I go and get COVID mind you I got COVID at my job so I get COVID I get sick 45 days when I return to work it wasn't the same I couldn't remember tasks that I was doing for 14 years there were gaps in my mind there were I didn't have the ability to recall as quickly I wasn't able to stand for as long as many hours I wasn't able to put in as much physical work as I had been because COVID had what I was told it is that it had nestled into my lungs in my brain and those areas I could see where they were affected every day. So eventually I didn't have that job but I saw that career of years of building that completely come down and crumble going back into another failed relationship at that time going back to not being able to provide to my kids and where it was like night and day from one moment to the next or it felt like that because it really was a few months but every single thing I had labored to have completely fell. And this time around it was equally difficult but I had a really strong connection to spirit that guided me to release easier and to not have as strong as an attachment to the material things I had my my biggest thing became being able to provide for my kids not having a house we could go to because the apartment went I couldn't pay for it right I couldn't pay for the apartment the relationship crumbled the the job was gone the doctors were saying this is early onset Alzheimer's you know so it was it was a lot of tower moments a lot of holy Jesus what is happening to me but they came with why now and what is the lesson here because now I had a connection to spirit that I could investigate further. Now is listening to to my guides really loudly say this is the next step. It wasn't easy I still felt like the whole world was ending with the distinction that I knew it was ending temporarily. The first time around I felt like I would never get up like my life as I knew it forever and ever was over. This time around I knew it was for a fraction of my life and even though it came with lots of feelings of grief and loss and questioning I also had a lot of hope. I knew it wasn't forever. I knew it and I don't know how else other than say I knew I internally had this knowing that this was guiding me into better into another chapter into more ease and to into the life that I wanted to have I also did not have that huge dip into depression as the first time around I was sad yes but I knew because it was temporary I just knew I had to put my my foot in front of the other one in front of the other and keep going keep going feel your feelings I was told this by my guides constantly don't keep anything inside cry be angry but don't keep it in don't hold it back what is in here for me what do I learn from this I remember I was looking for jobs anywhere I could find one and I started working at a bakery. I was never a baker you know professionally and I got this job at a bakery as the head baker I've never done that before and there it was and so a wind of fresh opportunities started coming in it wasn't where I wanted to be I grieved the ability to provide for my kids but I also felt that wave of fresh air coming in keep going don't stop now you've come so far you did it once you can do it again you know so it had a different flavor to the whole experience you know the the less I attached to the material possessions and was able to say okay here you go I remember I had people walking into my apartment and things would just say I don't belong to you anymore and the object itself would be like I'm going with this person and again I went from having all of these material things and being well off to not having a home. So I've experienced this topic of surrender cyclically and it rears itself back I've noticed when there is a need for the new chapters or new energies to come in I've learned that I don't have to experience them that way anymore.
SPEAKER_02My life doesn't have to fully collapse in order for me to take better aligned action and that I didn't know that before and here I am still still stubborn to this day but it has it has really made a difference in my everyday life you know yeah and I think that you know as human we all have that strong hold on things and how things are and we want it to continue and we want to stick to the plans we want to because that's our nature we've learned that you know since we were kids and so I think that no matter what there is that even if you progress and you you really follow the guidance and intuition I think there will be a tiny moment where we would still think like should we hold on right I really think that because I'm thinking in terms of like okay if you become a monk which I don't think we are but you know there will be a moment where we will still for a second even think about well I don't want to let that go and you're right attachment is the main thing of suffering like the stronghold that you have on things and people and anything your habits your patterns the harder it will be and either it can be like snatched away velcro off of you and leave like so many marks wounds on you versus you easily let it go. And I'm sure that as humans we all had to at some point in our life had to surrender to something or the other someone or the other and I think you know I keep going back the way I started in this journey also was where I was doing my doctorate in physical therapy and this is 2013 it was my third class and I was just getting sick things were just not lining up and of course I was relying on my friend who was also doing taking the classes asking for help and at some point you know I had to make a decision. I had two more classes to go to finish and something just told me I needed to stop right there I just let go of it and I really thought about it. I really sat with it made educated decision and you know of course I felt like I'm quitting something I had two more classes to go right and it's like what am I showing my kids that I'm quitting halfway so that title of doctor in front of my name and the feeling or the society around us that only if I had the name or doctor in front of my name I would you know people would listen to me. People would value whatever I say right it would be worth something they will pay attention a little bit more than what I'm just saying right now. So I had to let go of that belief and the belief that it's okay I think I sat with it and I was like to show my children that it's okay to let go when it's time and as soon as I did that I'm telling you the best sleep I've slept I felt so at ease things and just like as soon as I said this is it things started working out for me. I took um you know I heard this probably podcast I don't know at that time I was listening to Robin Sherma. He was talking about start investing in yourself. We always invest in our career you know we're taking these classes to advance ourselves certificates and all that and how much are you really investing in yourself? How many classes are you taking to advancing yourself as a person? And that was such a big moment I think for me and then that's when I started on this journey of doing you know took Reiki took nutritious nutrition the holistic nutrition coaching classes and it just kind of things just started falling into its place after that. Life became so much easier but yes then it started unraveling but to see that you know what it is and when you're talking about another thing that I had to really surrender to is the knowledge that you know when somebody really you can see the hatred towards you in their eyes what they say and to surrender to there are millions of people in this world not everyone's gonna like you and you're not gonna like everyone and that's okay. That is completely okay and that has nothing to do with who I am we you know sometimes you don't even want to clear that misunderstandings don't want to you know so you just let go completely and be as the person you are and I had to when you know who you are as that loving person or whatever your innate nature is it's so much easier to accept that it's okay it's okay to that is their opinion and it has nothing to do with who I am and what I am.
SPEAKER_01Yeah that's a that's a big one disengaging that belief that you have to prove yourself to someone yeah in order to feel like you are something and and that's a two classes to go and being faced with that understanding of wait I have to stop here it takes social type of courage to to just say I'm pushing through this one I know it looks like crazy I know it looks like crazy outside looking in right and people are people externally they're the whole point is that you're always choosing for yourself what is best for you regardless of what it looks like to an onlooker right that you always this actually minimizes the times you have to go through this process of surrender whenever you are really anchored in and dialed into what do I need what am I forgetting and taking time to sit with yourself and taking that inspired action that you're feeling needs to happen. I had the best year in my practice last year. The best it fully surpassed anything I could ever thought it would achieve clients bookings people everything coming in offers offers moving developing all of this feeling of wow I finally have traction in this practice that has been baby stepping through my awakening process and late last year around December I started hearing you need to sit with your offers because there are offers that don't align with you anymore. They don't align with where you're going. They don't align to the shifts that have happened for you in your life right and I was like yeah but they're working right I get it I could feel this and and no joke I could really could feel that internally there was a disconnect happening and I I took some time and sat with with my offers for a little bit I changed the the graphics for the offers the language I worked on my bio but my guides were asking me to not have those turned on okay to set them to like private or not have them on my booking page because there was a disconnect and listen it's June right up until mid-May this person who had the world by the horns last year had not gotten one paying client for the for anything but especially for the offers that were there first and center front and center nothing nothing through the months as they passed I still had clients that had booked specific sessions from the year before and I was still working but there was nothing coming in there was no flow happening right and I'm still doing my process I'm still chanting meditating using my tools but the guides were still in my head you haven't taken those offers off and I think I mentioned it to you at one point I'm not feeling like these offers are clicking with me anymore there there there's something that there's a disconnection between these offers and where I'm going but I had a a fear what if I take them off and then I really have no possibility of having any client sign up right and we were fine up until a couple of months ago the guides had had said earlier on April and May are going to be tough for you. It's like okay I kept going doing my thing sitting with the guidance but I stubbornly enough had not done the one ask they had been asking of me since December so you know what happened all of the money that was coming in or had come in from the year before dwindled to where my fridge was empty you know we were getting by each day and we still and this is the biggest difference it was a grim time we didn't know where the next thing was coming but prayer never never failed it wasn't absent we sat and prayed for every meal even though it was just eggs with avocados thank god we have an avocado tree because it fed us the whole two months okay and as we were approaching like the last of last let me shut those offers off I'll listen to you now six months later almost and let me I'll I'll pay attention let me just shut these offers off shut the offers off I keep praying hemali not four days later a prayer was answered to the amount immediately I was I was blown away because if I remember to move aside and allow guidance to work through and you'll say by Sheila why don't why didn't you do it you've had so many experiences I have had this is not the first time y'all I've had countless times with miracles just show up out of the blue and usually what happens is we get entangled with the way we do things oh well I've been doing this and it's been working well if I shut it off then then there's no even a possibility that something will show up but that being able to have the aperture for the miracles to come in for the clients to show up for things to shift why because God is not asking me to work hard this last six months he's been asking me to rest that's it and I've not done it and my health has suffered guess what I have rest days now on my calendar yes my back went out things will still happen the way you approach them the way you navigate them will completely determine how long or how rough you tumble because listen Sheila all you had to do was turn them off it didn't cost anything right I just had to listen but I'm glad I listened four days after to the amount income okay what did I hear four days later now you can turn them back on and what happened I went really quickly and turned them back on because it's like okay lesson learned yeah turn them back on and immediately had bookings why was I not listening because when you allow yourself to be the one that leads you will fall is not sustainable. I can only see up until a certain point of my life like you said plan 20 years of your life if you want girl plant a month is gonna test you we know we've gone through we've been trying to meet for three weeks now so the idea is that if you are attached to the way you are doing things as the only way it works is not sustainable. Spirit is always trying to communicate always trying to tell you hey I can see more than just one step ahead you know do this thing. It wasn't I who was successful last year in my practice it was successful because I listened and that is the surrender that is the true surrender when that guidance comes in and you go I know God is there. I know no matter what that looks like when I shut it off God is there right and a lot of time a lot of times we get swept up by I did this I created this I made this happen my heavy duty working 12 14 16 hours made this happen because we have this idea in our head that we can only accomplish as far as what we push for if you're not working you're not gonna get anything done that's not true you know and this this last six years of my life have taught me so much and I'm still learning. I will always be learning. As long as I have a human body I will be in learning mode because there are things I can only tap into by going through them up until I say enough I learned the lesson so when I worked my calendar my month I input one full day every week that's just mine for me. And every day that I'm working I'll put a timer on my clock you've been working for 45 minutes stand up right so you have to learn to help yourself navigate this human aspect that is very mind centered that drive from the ego that's attached to the stories that we grow up listening to that is what you need to train. Remember the ego is a two-year-old that you take by the hand not something you listen to for advice so all to say I was in the middle of that desperation and now we're in June and all of a sudden there's new energy and new possibility and new opportunity and I know that as long as I continue to show up for myself and listen to the guidance I receive Constantly, I'll be okay. It is when I am thinking I am doing the doings.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And stop being the being that I get in trouble.
SPEAKER_02I can name endless experiences I've had where I don't listen or just constantly going on two, three years sometimes that I don't do certain things. And for me, and I guess you know your example shows that too. Sometimes when you don't listen, it is so hard to move forward. When you're not listening to the guidance coming in, it's very hard to move on to the next, to the next, because there's always that block. And you can keep going forward for how many of every years, but then it it to me, it never feels feels fulfilling anything that happens from the experiences that I've had, you know, that feeling. So I think that that complete trust is needed. And we always talk about trusting the process and faith, right? It that complete faith that we are taken care of, that it is you ask and it is given. Not when you want it, you know, like right now, but it is given how you want it. It may not look like how you want it when you want it, it may look better. And I've experienced that the opportunities you feel that you may miss, and you just pick first one, and it is scary, right? To not have any income. And you know, I've been told time and time again, but you have your husband who works, who does, but I still have my own, you know, expenses and work and things that I need to work on. So of course I want to strive for better. And yes, I do have a husband who provides and helps with everything. I am absolutely grateful for that, and I feel blessed for that, that I am supported, but yet I do struggle in many ways in terms of finances. But I leave it up to the divine, and I know and I have always been blessed since I was a child. I had this belief or complete faith that whenever I want something or a bill needs to be paid, the money comes from any source, and I'm always open. I'll only ask and it's given. So yeah, so it's that complete faith and trust is very important.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that's I that's where we're test it, right? Yeah, how how deeply in your faith are you walking, and how strong it is your heart within that faith? Because yeah, surrender is not easy, otherwise it would be one and done. But guess what? It comes around with healing. Same thing, it's a spiral. The more you can sustain, the more you can sustain the ability to surrender, the more you can sustain the ability to expand and heal yourself. Because we're talking about lifetimes of processing, we're talking about ancestral lineages of healing work and all these things that are stored within us as DNA and passed down energetically or not, every single day that we're alive is another one of those things unfolding for us. And everything will be an opportunity. But to understand that the quicker you get yourself out of the way, the quicker you will find that flow, that alignment again, back into that source, back into that abundance, back into that ease, you know, the better you will become when it comes to surrendering in any aspects. It's a it's a it's a tough topic. It's it's a tender, difficult one that you learn to navigate as you go. I after the whole thing with COVID and not having a place to stay, I ended up having to move back in with my parents. And it was tough. I had I had not lived with them since I was 17 years old. So here I am in this house, still kind of like recovering and navigating, and having to look at unhealed aspects of the dynamics and process them in real time, you know. And my kids came with me, but it came a point where my son had to move back in with his dad. And in this whole surrendering journey, that is the biggest loss of my life. Having to see him go. Not because his dad is not a good person or it's not good for him, but I've always been with him, you know. I've that there is sort of a bond that forms when a mom is just mom with her kids, single parenting, and that was jarring, it broke me open. I talk about all this healing and narratives and stories coming back. You're not good enough, you didn't do a good job. This is happening because you cannot hold down a job. This is how you're choosing wrong, but the whole time, and and I was in pieces, okay. It's you're talking about a whole lifetime with him. He had just turned 18, and all of a sudden, I'm not gonna wake up to him, I'm not gonna smell him, you know, hear his voice. It was so much of a grieving process for me, but it was also a lot of surrendering, you know. It was also an understudy of faith and and promise and the promise of what God has in store for you. And how much anchored am I feeling within this? And I'm really grateful he had his dad to go to. I'm really grateful that he's thriving and moving forward in his life, and that he has had the ability to have those years with his dad. They have served him well, he's doing amazing. He had his own dad be a role model to him, you know. That's beautiful. He got to take that time. It doesn't take away the pain I felt, right? But I I want to name the truth of it. It's I am absolutely beyond grateful that he had his father to go to, and that we didn't end up in a situation that was me under the bridge, right? With my two kids. Because I felt that. I felt like I'll just take them anywhere. I'll just I'm not gonna separate from him. But I kept also hearing that guidance, right? And the best thing I could do at that time, and I'm really glad I did, was listen to that inner guidance, my guides, Yeshua, always saying, It's okay, it's gonna be okay, it's not forever. You can talk, right? You've been with him for all of this time, you know, and it was a very difficult time. And I think what I'm trying to say is this is what makes surrender so tender because you're constantly facing head-on things that you must let go of in faith to receive in faith. I don't know how things would have turned out if I had stubbornly said, I don't think so, I would rather go be under a bridge. And right now, my beautiful son, who is one of a kind, is thriving, has traveled out of the country internationally on his own. He's moved states, he has has his license. There's so many milestones he's been able to reach because he says experience, he has experience other than, right? And as a mom, I could have, not even as a mom, but as me, I could have said, no, I'm gonna be in control, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna try to push. And the most beautiful gift I could have given him and me was the ability of that surrender into faith, into knowing that because I couldn't see more than a couple steps in front of me, and God could, I had to listen. It doesn't come easy, it doesn't come without some sort of a price to teach exactly that. You're not the one in control. And the more you lean into the aspect of faith within that, into the aspect of he's the all-knowing, I'm just here, right? With the limitations of this vessel and not continuously take it as things are always happening to me. No, they're always happening for you. You just have to move aside a little bit, you just have to learn to take a beat and not think that you're the one handling it all and juggling it all. And if you drop something, then you screwed up, right? It's nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with where's your faith? Where where are you leaning? Right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, absolutely. I think that sums it all, right? Trusting the process and having the faith and asking the higher beings, the guides and them for help when you need it, and they will provide it through someone else, but you will be helped, you will be guided, messages will come through, phone calls will come through, they will be answered. And you know, sometimes I feel that you do not sometimes like I feel that there has to be a space created for anything to come into it, so it's so necessary to let the old go, create that space, sit in that empty space for a bit, experience it. And so you have already grown by doing that, and then the new can come through, and that's how the expansion happens. Yeah, yeah, growth happens, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It the end is a new beginning, it's a reframe, right? The crumbling is the rebirth, right? And we've talked about this before. In the tight spaces is where you learn to breathe, to get that breath, right? To learn to lean on and trust. And a song just popped into my head, so I wanna, yeah, I'm not gonna say, but it's called Don't Take Shape. And it's such a beautiful way of saying, be malleable, let God work with and through you, right? Don't take shape, don't harden, allow yourself to still be molded into what you're meant to be, how you're meant to exist. It's not always going to be easy, but boy, is it great. Every single time you allow God to reshape you into the next version, right? And that's the whole point of surrender is to hold compassion, stay in faith, and keep on going. Because it was never about quitting, it is always about just continuing on, right? Thank you so much for listening to us and being here with us. We've missed recording, yes, we've missed being here, and we're just grateful to be here. If there's one thing to sit with from today, surrender is not giving up. It's the bravest thing the spiritual journey will ever ask you to do. Open your hands when everything in you wants to hold on tighter. You don't have to see the next step, you just have to trust that there is one. And if you're in the void right now, with nothing under your feet and nothing in sight, you're not lost. You're just in the space between who you were and who you are becoming. Don't take shape yet. Allow yourself to still be molded. The path was never in front of you, it was always beneath you.
.png)
.png)